For instance, let's take a quick peek at my first message, from a bachelor we'll call "Mr. Blue." Oh, Mr. Blue... I cherish this message more than you will ever know.
"Very Intriguing
Hi! How do you feel today? Im Jeffery and I'm interested in you as a person. Lets be friends on a platonic foundation. You sound like a girl with character and a great personality which is rare and unique. You're open minded with impeccable physiognomies and to be explicit you have beautiful cheekbones and facial symmetry, the cutest nose and luscious lips as well as perfectly shaped eyebrows. I must say your beauty is natural. And you skin so so luminous hmmm! You must be taking your antioxidants LOL! Well Me in a nutshell I'm openminded, energetic, affectionate but not clingy, laidback, outgoing, empathetic, down to earth, loyal, considerate and respectful person who loves to laugh and have a good time and treat people how I want to be treated. im the easiest person to get along with because i have humility and admit my own faults. I know when im wrong and will correct when necessary and nothing works without compromise so how much easier does it get when you have an individual with a positive attitude. Also last but not least I have common sense, which is not common. Overall Im a well balanced person. Im really interested to know more about you, so if you want someone who's confident, calm, and graceful send me a message."
In the interest of this blog being educational as well as entertaining, I will say that there are several good points about this message. However, those are by far eclipsed by the odd attributes he chooses to compliment about me and himself. Also, sorry, the horrible grammatical structure is really not doing you any favors. I honestly feel like Jeffrey/Blue was sitting there with a thesaurus in his lap as he wrote this. And the personality traits he claims to possess even oppose each other. I mean, the "what the f*ck?"-ness of this message is astounding. And I didn't know one could be friends without starting on a platonic foundation. Normally, that's how I like to start my friendships, at least.
I did eventually respond to Mr. Blue. Admittedly it took me several days of careful consideration to craft the best response. I think you'll agree the following was the clearly the best option...
"You're my boy, Blue! You're my boy!"Perhaps Mr. Blue could have tried the following tactic and been a bit more straightforward, much like MrRight5xx.
"I want to flirt with you :D what's your favorite vegetable?"You know how I know you have no game, sir? You have to declare your desire to flirt with me. Ur doin it wrongz. While MrRight's enthusiasm is plainly evident from the Big Smile Emoticon, I feel like I'm not reaching too far by saying that "what's your favorite vegetable?" is not at all a sexy, flirtatious question.
Lessons to take away: be sincere. Don't slap compliments on messages to just to have something to say. It actually has the opposite effect of making you look insincere. Also, when describing yourself, pick two or three of your best qualities to highlight. "Graceful" not being one of them. Unless you happen to be a male ballet dancer. Which would be pretty damn impressive. Do not state things that can be readily deduced. Really try to be concise when contacting your potential match, but make it clear you have some sort of idea about who they are (i.e. - you perused their profile at least a little). Finally, know that a Big Smiley Emoticon does not actually compensate for your lack of tact.
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