Thursday, February 14, 2013

I'm Giving up Celibacy for Lent

Let me begin by saying I love The Bachelor. Nothing gets me more excited on Monay nights than watching women with daddy issues run rampant on tv. I also love Chris Harrison (the show's host and producer) but that's the kind of love one feel's down below, not in their heart. Anyways....I'm begining with The Bachelor because as it gets closer and closer to the finale, I'm getting closer and closer to killing myself because I don't have a myriad of men who want to date me.

Forget that tomorrow is Valentine's Day (a day I focus more on self love - for instance I love Bruce Willis and Die Hard 5 comes out tomorrow...coincidence? I think not. Bruce loves me too!). Forget that it's been about two months since I've been on a date. Let's focus on the fact that yesterday was Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.

I'm giving up celibacy for Lent.

I don't expect to suddenly be rolling in dudes (although certain recent events don't rule that possibility out) but I'm back out on the market so to speak. After that last guy literally ran away from me, I've been on a dating hiatus. No dating sites, no meeting new guys (which isn't hard when you haven't met anyone organically in about 8 months) and certainly no hooking up with friends. Execpt for that one time that we are not going to ever talk about. Ever.

What was my point? Oh right, not five minutes after I re-activated my dating profile I received this message:

ooompa oompa oompadi doo.. your earz are realy bootiful

great, now I fucking hate myself and my fucking oopma loompa ears.

Wait......how can I be an oompa loompa if I'm as white as paper?? Okay, now I'm just really confused. Does this guys have an ear fetish? What is an ear fetish and what kinds of things do you think it involves? No! Stop it! Get out of that dark place!

I'd like to forget that message happened and just keep getting heart warming notes like this:

Hi there,
I liked your profile, you are beautiful and you look smart too :). I think, we have lot in common and I am sure we can enjoy some good time with each. what say? Lets meet this week or next sometime for dinner/movie/hiking and see how things go.
Hope to hear from you soon.


Dev

Oh Dev, you are too cute and totally made up for that creepy ear guy! I'm not going to date you, but you are certainly on the path towards someone great/someone that can help me break this whole celibacy habit!

So in conclusion, we are all on Celibacy Gate 2013. Lets get this shit done. The time is now. Let's get this girl laid. Let's get it...you know what, I think we all get it.