No one wants to start reading an online dating message only to realize it is, in actuality, a lengthy term paper full of grammatical errors, disastrous attempts at humor, insipid responses to profile topics, and thinly (or not-so-thinly) veiled sexual innuendos. While I generally agree with my co-blogger regarding the discouragement of The Essay Message, I am here to do something I don't normally do: discuss my very personal experience with this subject in a non-comedic manner.
There are exceptions to every rule, and the "no essays" clause is among them. One of the first messages I ever received online was the exact definition of the dreaded profile response essay. It was multiple paragraphs, had several humor-intended remarks, and touched on more than a few of the topics mentioned in my online profile. My automatic response upon seeing so many words in one location was "oh fuck that."
I can't say what made me pause. I can't say what made me read the message in its entirety, then check the writer's profile. All I know is that I did.
The message itself was intelligently written; balancing sincerity and wit while giving me a clear portrait of this stranger. He obviously did not expect or demand response, but was putting in his two cents, hoping I would take the time to read. And even the profile thumbnail attached with the message displayed nothing overly remarkable, just your average run-of-the-mill picture of a fairly attractive guy with a smile on his face. However, the content of that essay message struck me, and led me to check out the modestly developed profile for more.
What convinced this individual might be worth contacting back? Clearly they took the time to read what I had said, found it at least mildly humorous -- that's a big sell for me, and piqued my interest by pulling several key points from my profile for response. Less is more, guys. Pick one or two details. Don't just respond in kind to everything on the lady's online profile. Following up a personal detail with a similar point from your own life lets them get to know you before ever looking you up. To be interesting you must first show you're interested. Ask a pertinent question of two. After all, this is meant to be a conversation. Finally, don't try to bowl her over with laughter the entire way through: you are not as funny as you hope, and will probably sound like a tool (ask "Lenny"). A little dab'll do ya.
Generally speaking, simpler is better. A few lines of clever and engaging text suit fine. Remember my story as the exception to the rule "C" discussed. If you even for one second presume you are the exception rather than the rule: you are wrong. If you intend to say more than a few sentences, you have to realistically consider that your intended recipient may overlook your message completely. It happens. At the very least, consider this post a jumping off point when you find someone you feel requires a little more of your attention than usual. Never fear, if things don't work out, it probably wasn't meant to happen anyway. Then again, she may surprise you. There is always the chance she will enthusiastically reply.
I understand if you don't believe a single word of this analysis and explanation. To that end, allow me to finish my story. As you know, I did reply to my mysterious essayist. In truth, I eventually replied several more times.
And we dated for four months.
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