Don't Bet On It

Well, that didn't last long at all.  Yours truly officially deactivated her OKC profile for the second time yesterday.  Life is complicated; dating should not be.  If my life were less of a ridiculous romcomdegy (a romantic-comedy-tragedy.  c'mon get with me people), I expect it should go something like this: "You like me. I like you.  Cool, then get on board for some awesomesauce fun-and-sexytimes, Hotpants McGee!"  See, wasn't that simple?

As it's now October and I have not been on a single successful or enjoyable actual date this entire year, I am not only removing myself from online dating, but real world dating, too.  Maybe it sounds drastic, but honestly anything that forestalls the inevitable quarter life crisis I feel myself rapidly spiraling toward is a good thing.  (It's not too early for one of those, right?) That and, you know, I'm tired of feeling miserable.  It's wearisome.  And boring.  And so last season.  While I'm not a gigantic ball of sunshine at all hours of the day, I've been told I'm at least mildly tolerable and sometimes fun to hang out with.  I will take that compliment, thank you.  I'll also take singledom and self-imposed celibacy over any more explosive and exhausting emotional breakdowns that result in hours of crying and eyeballs swollen 24-hours later.  Eff that muthafuckin' noise, yo.

Fun fact that you may not know about me: I like to make stupid, stupid bets.  For the record, I have made a slap bet, and yes, I did lose.  C has now spent at least a year and half calculating and quantifying the precisely right moment to lay a high, hard one across my dumbass face.  Our friendship is one of love and fear...  And wine.  Trust that it ain't gonna be pretty when Slap Bet D-Day finally arrives.  I will definitely cry like a little girl -- no shame!  Among my other poorly placed bets is a "This Person Totally Will Never Contact Me Again" Bet.  I lost that one exactly three hours after making it.  (By the way, thank you for that, Assface.  I would have liked to keep that $10.  I had laundry to do.)  Now I finally made a bet I feel compelled not to break: no sex or dating for the rest of the year.  Yep.  You heard me: The rest of the year.  I would really like to win my ten dollars and keep my sanity.  Wish me luck!