Well, that didn't last long at all. Yours truly officially deactivated her OKC profile for the second time yesterday. Life is complicated; dating should not be. If my life were less of a ridiculous romcomdegy (a romantic-comedy-tragedy. c'mon get with me people), I expect it should go something like this: "You like me. I like you. Cool, then get on board for some awesomesauce fun-and-sexytimes, Hotpants McGee!" See, wasn't that simple?
As it's now October and I have not been on a single successful or enjoyable actual date this entire year, I am not only removing myself from online dating, but real world dating, too. Maybe it sounds drastic, but honestly anything that forestalls the inevitable quarter life crisis I feel myself rapidly spiraling toward is a good thing. (It's not too early for one of those, right?) That and, you know, I'm tired of feeling miserable. It's wearisome. And boring. And so last season. While I'm not a gigantic ball of sunshine at all hours of the day, I've been told I'm at least mildly tolerable and sometimes fun to hang out with. I will take that compliment, thank you. I'll also take singledom and self-imposed celibacy over any more explosive and exhausting emotional breakdowns that result in hours of crying and eyeballs swollen 24-hours later. Eff that muthafuckin' noise, yo.
Fun fact that you may not know about me: I like to make stupid, stupid bets. For the record, I have made a slap bet, and yes, I did lose. C has now spent at least a year and half calculating and quantifying the precisely right moment to lay a high, hard one across my dumbass face. Our friendship is one of love and fear... And wine. Trust that it ain't gonna be pretty when Slap Bet D-Day finally arrives. I will definitely cry like a little girl -- no shame! Among my other poorly placed bets is a "This Person Totally Will Never Contact Me Again" Bet. I lost that one exactly three hours after making it. (By the way, thank you for that, Assface. I would have liked to keep that $10. I had laundry to do.) Now I finally made a bet I feel compelled not to break: no sex or dating for the rest of the year. Yep. You heard me: The rest of the year. I would really like to win my ten dollars and keep my sanity. Wish me luck!
Showing posts with label serious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label serious. Show all posts
Friday, October 4, 2013
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Guys Will Only Get as Low as You Let Them: A Mandatory.com Response
Fear not, solitary dedicated reader who I swear checks our blog every morning for new posts! Your Okay, Stupid prayers have been answered! The God(esses?) smile down on you with glad tidings this day. (Bee-tee-dubs, we do not update more than once or twice a week, so you're probably good if you back it off a skoatch. It's chill. I'm pretty sure I know who you are, anyway.)
Today my friend sent me an article "exploring" OKCupid's slimier male denizens. I swear, if you had told me this morning I would be sitting down to write a quasi-defense of OKCupid, I would have laughed in your face. Then, I read this article and realized I had much more to say on the subject than I thought.
Admittedly, I was full of the warm-fuzzies after seeing K's post on my Facebook wall. It's nice to know someone's listening out there! Then, having read the article, my happiness meter went directly into the toilet... 'Cause that's where shitty feelings go.
To read the full article, please go HERE. For the rest of us, let me quickly summarize. In an effort to experiment with just how far men are willing to go to get laid (I'm assuming that would be the general endgame for most of the guys who contacted him), the author created a fake profile, using a picture of a conventionally attractive, young, brunette girl. He then filled "her" profile with some of the most idiotic, nonsensical statements, terrible grammatical and spelling errors, and racially insensitive jokes I have seen admitted to an online dating website. He even threw in a light-hearted felony reference. You know, for kicks. Then he waited to see who would contact this "girl" and exactly how long it would take before they were turned off by her stupidity.
When I first started reading, the idea seemed like a relatively harmless and ultimately hilarious undertaking. Things turned for the worse after I got a few paragraphs in. As I was reading, the article began to depress me more and more. It painted a very bleak picture of what was available out there for us singles. The level of desperation involved for some of these guys was staggering. I began to question my chances for success in dating -- not only on the site, but in actual, real-world encounters -- with these kind of people in existence. Was this it? Was this really the summation of everything I had to choose from?? Imagine how terrifying it would be for you to realize there isn't a single soul on this Earth interested in sharing a real relationship with you. You are completely, utterly alone, surrounded by people simply wanting to get their rocks off. Well, that's precisely what I saw before me now. I was fishing in an empty sea.
After a few moments processing my thoughts, I went through the comments to gauge others' reactions. One particular comment struck a chord. I now realized why I was so unsettled and aggravated by this reading experience. First of all, it's a terrible article. It proves absolutely nothing but what we already know: 1) how shallow people will pursue someone based solely on their appearance, and 2) that really stupid people are going to do really stupid things. How is any of this news? You put some fake, naïve, attractive woman out there on the Internet and give them a moron's profile, of course guys are going to try to get some poon from her. It's Barbie Syndrome: all looks and no brains. For all appearances, she's an easy target. Over half these guys wouldn't dare try that shit if they thought she would shoot them down or have some actual intellectual response to their advances. Now, I'm not saying that preying on the weak isn't morally reprehensible, but let's please be realistic. There's always been sexual predators on the Internet. This is an accepted fact. It's why we take precautionary steps before actually meeting up with someone in real life. Moreover, being a sexual predator is by no means restricted to only males. Women share just as much of the blame. If a woman, who for some reason is sans vibrator, gets on a dating website for sex and sees some attractive, less-than-genius-level guy, she too will probably try get in some horizontal shuffle time. It's how the world works. And after considering all of this, I'm no longer depressed about the situation or the article; I'm just pissed off. I'm pissed off not just because it's a over-dramatized, journalistic-ally unsound "exposé" that does little more than sit back on its high horse and judge people desperately seeking some connection -- any connection (even a penis-vagina-hopefully-orgasm connection) -- from another person in the world, but also because it presumes these lowlifes are the only kind of people on dating sites at all. "Here" it seems to say "this is all ya get!"
Experience has taught me otherwise. I cannot be fooled, because I know better for a fact. I had the good fortune of meeting at least one really fantastic person through online dating, and I know quite a few friends (Not the least of which being C, of course) that are intelligent, caring, and genuine people who also have experimented with this medium. Granted, I have had experience with some real jerks too, but who hasn't? That holds true to the real world as much as the digital one. But you have to be willing to experience good and bad to find anything truly worth your time.
Rob Fee's article is meaningless and dull for more than just his falsely informed reasoning. To me, it's more interesting to explore why and how, all things being equal, guys will get in the way of themselves in pursuit of a woman. Whether by messaging someone with the same opener five times, contacting another user with little chemistry or commonality to themselves, or even when they seem to have everything going for them, they manage to screw up dates to such a degree that one has to wonder if they made up their entire past relationship experience. Understanding all of these things is just a more compelling concept and discussion than sitting around proving an apple is an apple, an orange is an orange, or an idiot is an idiot.
To be honest, I will actually sit here and claim that I have been contacted by very, very few truly moronic-beyond-hope individuals. Misguided? Yes, of course, like 90% of the time, but nowhere near the levels of stupidity exemplified by the men in the article. Why is that? I'm not an easy target. I say who I am, what I'm about, you can get a general sense of my intellectual level, and perhaps most importantly what I'm looking for. I mean, even the douche bags who go "hey, interested in something casual?" have grammatical structure down! They may not be able to read worth a damn, but that's more due to a lack of those reading comprehension skills mentioned in my last post. Furthermore, even guys requesting "something casual" are rare. Generally speaking, you can, and do, find whom you're looking for on the site.
If you take anything from this post, at least take hope. Hope that no, you are not alone. Put that fear to rest right now. You will find exactly what you want to find on OKCupid; whether it is a nice fling, a lasting friendship, or, hell, maybe even a stable relationship. The individuals who can give this to you are out there. Godspeed, my e-daters!
As for this blog, I intend to never, ever bait fellow users just for a talking point. Like I said, it's more fascinating to me discussing and dissecting why, given every opportunity otherwise, these guys completely miss their shot. My aim here is to educate; not ensnare, judge, and otherwise totally belittle the gentleman of OKC. The one exception to the aforementioned rule being that you're an asshole who creeps on my page before asking me to bone you, in which case I will gladly tear your ass apart using the written word.
Phew! I feel better... and possibly overly self-important, but what else is a blog for? Sorry, K, while I appreciate the thought, I had to speak my mind on that one.
Carry on about your business, readers, and expect a less enraged post very, very soon.
Today my friend sent me an article "exploring" OKCupid's slimier male denizens. I swear, if you had told me this morning I would be sitting down to write a quasi-defense of OKCupid, I would have laughed in your face. Then, I read this article and realized I had much more to say on the subject than I thought.
Admittedly, I was full of the warm-fuzzies after seeing K's post on my Facebook wall. It's nice to know someone's listening out there! Then, having read the article, my happiness meter went directly into the toilet... 'Cause that's where shitty feelings go.
To read the full article, please go HERE. For the rest of us, let me quickly summarize. In an effort to experiment with just how far men are willing to go to get laid (I'm assuming that would be the general endgame for most of the guys who contacted him), the author created a fake profile, using a picture of a conventionally attractive, young, brunette girl. He then filled "her" profile with some of the most idiotic, nonsensical statements, terrible grammatical and spelling errors, and racially insensitive jokes I have seen admitted to an online dating website. He even threw in a light-hearted felony reference. You know, for kicks. Then he waited to see who would contact this "girl" and exactly how long it would take before they were turned off by her stupidity.
When I first started reading, the idea seemed like a relatively harmless and ultimately hilarious undertaking. Things turned for the worse after I got a few paragraphs in. As I was reading, the article began to depress me more and more. It painted a very bleak picture of what was available out there for us singles. The level of desperation involved for some of these guys was staggering. I began to question my chances for success in dating -- not only on the site, but in actual, real-world encounters -- with these kind of people in existence. Was this it? Was this really the summation of everything I had to choose from?? Imagine how terrifying it would be for you to realize there isn't a single soul on this Earth interested in sharing a real relationship with you. You are completely, utterly alone, surrounded by people simply wanting to get their rocks off. Well, that's precisely what I saw before me now. I was fishing in an empty sea.
After a few moments processing my thoughts, I went through the comments to gauge others' reactions. One particular comment struck a chord. I now realized why I was so unsettled and aggravated by this reading experience. First of all, it's a terrible article. It proves absolutely nothing but what we already know: 1) how shallow people will pursue someone based solely on their appearance, and 2) that really stupid people are going to do really stupid things. How is any of this news? You put some fake, naïve, attractive woman out there on the Internet and give them a moron's profile, of course guys are going to try to get some poon from her. It's Barbie Syndrome: all looks and no brains. For all appearances, she's an easy target. Over half these guys wouldn't dare try that shit if they thought she would shoot them down or have some actual intellectual response to their advances. Now, I'm not saying that preying on the weak isn't morally reprehensible, but let's please be realistic. There's always been sexual predators on the Internet. This is an accepted fact. It's why we take precautionary steps before actually meeting up with someone in real life. Moreover, being a sexual predator is by no means restricted to only males. Women share just as much of the blame. If a woman, who for some reason is sans vibrator, gets on a dating website for sex and sees some attractive, less-than-genius-level guy, she too will probably try get in some horizontal shuffle time. It's how the world works. And after considering all of this, I'm no longer depressed about the situation or the article; I'm just pissed off. I'm pissed off not just because it's a over-dramatized, journalistic-ally unsound "exposé" that does little more than sit back on its high horse and judge people desperately seeking some connection -- any connection (even a penis-vagina-hopefully-orgasm connection) -- from another person in the world, but also because it presumes these lowlifes are the only kind of people on dating sites at all. "Here" it seems to say "this is all ya get!"
Experience has taught me otherwise. I cannot be fooled, because I know better for a fact. I had the good fortune of meeting at least one really fantastic person through online dating, and I know quite a few friends (Not the least of which being C, of course) that are intelligent, caring, and genuine people who also have experimented with this medium. Granted, I have had experience with some real jerks too, but who hasn't? That holds true to the real world as much as the digital one. But you have to be willing to experience good and bad to find anything truly worth your time.
Rob Fee's article is meaningless and dull for more than just his falsely informed reasoning. To me, it's more interesting to explore why and how, all things being equal, guys will get in the way of themselves in pursuit of a woman. Whether by messaging someone with the same opener five times, contacting another user with little chemistry or commonality to themselves, or even when they seem to have everything going for them, they manage to screw up dates to such a degree that one has to wonder if they made up their entire past relationship experience. Understanding all of these things is just a more compelling concept and discussion than sitting around proving an apple is an apple, an orange is an orange, or an idiot is an idiot.
To be honest, I will actually sit here and claim that I have been contacted by very, very few truly moronic-beyond-hope individuals. Misguided? Yes, of course, like 90% of the time, but nowhere near the levels of stupidity exemplified by the men in the article. Why is that? I'm not an easy target. I say who I am, what I'm about, you can get a general sense of my intellectual level, and perhaps most importantly what I'm looking for. I mean, even the douche bags who go "hey, interested in something casual?" have grammatical structure down! They may not be able to read worth a damn, but that's more due to a lack of those reading comprehension skills mentioned in my last post. Furthermore, even guys requesting "something casual" are rare. Generally speaking, you can, and do, find whom you're looking for on the site.
If you take anything from this post, at least take hope. Hope that no, you are not alone. Put that fear to rest right now. You will find exactly what you want to find on OKCupid; whether it is a nice fling, a lasting friendship, or, hell, maybe even a stable relationship. The individuals who can give this to you are out there. Godspeed, my e-daters!
As for this blog, I intend to never, ever bait fellow users just for a talking point. Like I said, it's more fascinating to me discussing and dissecting why, given every opportunity otherwise, these guys completely miss their shot. My aim here is to educate; not ensnare, judge, and otherwise totally belittle the gentleman of OKC. The one exception to the aforementioned rule being that you're an asshole who creeps on my page before asking me to bone you, in which case I will gladly tear your ass apart using the written word.
Phew! I feel better... and possibly overly self-important, but what else is a blog for? Sorry, K, while I appreciate the thought, I had to speak my mind on that one.
Carry on about your business, readers, and expect a less enraged post very, very soon.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
An Essay on Essays
No one wants to start reading an online dating message only to realize it is, in actuality, a lengthy term paper full of grammatical errors, disastrous attempts at humor, insipid responses to profile topics, and thinly (or not-so-thinly) veiled sexual innuendos. While I generally agree with my co-blogger regarding the discouragement of The Essay Message, I am here to do something I don't normally do: discuss my very personal experience with this subject in a non-comedic manner.
There are exceptions to every rule, and the "no essays" clause is among them. One of the first messages I ever received online was the exact definition of the dreaded profile response essay. It was multiple paragraphs, had several humor-intended remarks, and touched on more than a few of the topics mentioned in my online profile. My automatic response upon seeing so many words in one location was "oh fuck that."
I can't say what made me pause. I can't say what made me read the message in its entirety, then check the writer's profile. All I know is that I did.
The message itself was intelligently written; balancing sincerity and wit while giving me a clear portrait of this stranger. He obviously did not expect or demand response, but was putting in his two cents, hoping I would take the time to read. And even the profile thumbnail attached with the message displayed nothing overly remarkable, just your average run-of-the-mill picture of a fairly attractive guy with a smile on his face. However, the content of that essay message struck me, and led me to check out the modestly developed profile for more.
What convinced this individual might be worth contacting back? Clearly they took the time to read what I had said, found it at least mildly humorous -- that's a big sell for me, and piqued my interest by pulling several key points from my profile for response. Less is more, guys. Pick one or two details. Don't just respond in kind to everything on the lady's online profile. Following up a personal detail with a similar point from your own life lets them get to know you before ever looking you up. To be interesting you must first show you're interested. Ask a pertinent question of two. After all, this is meant to be a conversation. Finally, don't try to bowl her over with laughter the entire way through: you are not as funny as you hope, and will probably sound like a tool (ask "Lenny"). A little dab'll do ya.
Generally speaking, simpler is better. A few lines of clever and engaging text suit fine. Remember my story as the exception to the rule "C" discussed. If you even for one second presume you are the exception rather than the rule: you are wrong. If you intend to say more than a few sentences, you have to realistically consider that your intended recipient may overlook your message completely. It happens. At the very least, consider this post a jumping off point when you find someone you feel requires a little more of your attention than usual. Never fear, if things don't work out, it probably wasn't meant to happen anyway. Then again, she may surprise you. There is always the chance she will enthusiastically reply.
I understand if you don't believe a single word of this analysis and explanation. To that end, allow me to finish my story. As you know, I did reply to my mysterious essayist. In truth, I eventually replied several more times.
And we dated for four months.
There are exceptions to every rule, and the "no essays" clause is among them. One of the first messages I ever received online was the exact definition of the dreaded profile response essay. It was multiple paragraphs, had several humor-intended remarks, and touched on more than a few of the topics mentioned in my online profile. My automatic response upon seeing so many words in one location was "oh fuck that."
I can't say what made me pause. I can't say what made me read the message in its entirety, then check the writer's profile. All I know is that I did.
The message itself was intelligently written; balancing sincerity and wit while giving me a clear portrait of this stranger. He obviously did not expect or demand response, but was putting in his two cents, hoping I would take the time to read. And even the profile thumbnail attached with the message displayed nothing overly remarkable, just your average run-of-the-mill picture of a fairly attractive guy with a smile on his face. However, the content of that essay message struck me, and led me to check out the modestly developed profile for more.
What convinced this individual might be worth contacting back? Clearly they took the time to read what I had said, found it at least mildly humorous -- that's a big sell for me, and piqued my interest by pulling several key points from my profile for response. Less is more, guys. Pick one or two details. Don't just respond in kind to everything on the lady's online profile. Following up a personal detail with a similar point from your own life lets them get to know you before ever looking you up. To be interesting you must first show you're interested. Ask a pertinent question of two. After all, this is meant to be a conversation. Finally, don't try to bowl her over with laughter the entire way through: you are not as funny as you hope, and will probably sound like a tool (ask "Lenny"). A little dab'll do ya.
Generally speaking, simpler is better. A few lines of clever and engaging text suit fine. Remember my story as the exception to the rule "C" discussed. If you even for one second presume you are the exception rather than the rule: you are wrong. If you intend to say more than a few sentences, you have to realistically consider that your intended recipient may overlook your message completely. It happens. At the very least, consider this post a jumping off point when you find someone you feel requires a little more of your attention than usual. Never fear, if things don't work out, it probably wasn't meant to happen anyway. Then again, she may surprise you. There is always the chance she will enthusiastically reply.
I understand if you don't believe a single word of this analysis and explanation. To that end, allow me to finish my story. As you know, I did reply to my mysterious essayist. In truth, I eventually replied several more times.
And we dated for four months.
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