"OkStupid Customer Service, How May I Assist You?"

C & I have been sharing our (mis)adventures for several weeks now and the once light drizzle of feedback seems to be headed in the direction of "fucking Maelstrom."  Alright, I exaggerated a teeny bit there.  But things 'round these parts are at a steady downpour of communication, and we couldn't thank you all enough for that.  Keep reading and sharing with others if you like what you see, or even if you don't.  After all, you can't rightly call yourself a blog until you're had your first official flame, can you?

In an unexpected twist of events, I also personally find myself a newly crowned dating guru.  I don't know if it's the fact that I'm overly opinionated, or blunt to the point of indecency, but I appreciate the questions.  I plan to answer them honestly, frequently, and with the least amount of bitterness I can muster.  However, girlfriends (and boyfriends), I'm not gonna sugar-coat my advice for you.  We can all do that for ourselves, it's called "denial."  Either you will listen to what I say, consider it, and make some decision, or you will do whatever the hell you wanted to do anyway.  Ultimately, the decision's all on you; I would only be doing you a disservice if I didn't give you an opinion with what I consider to be a modicum of sense.

Perhaps this understanding must be established before I relate to you the following tale.

A friend, whom we will call "Randy," approached me with the following quandary on That Other Site for Scoping Out the Singles Meat Market (no, not MySpace)...

Randy
Being a fan of your blog i have to ask a question

N
yup?

Randy
let me ask, is it ok(cupid, ha ha!) to casually insult a girl in the first message?

N
no
why would that be ok?

Randy
well, it would be like a joke...kind of...now that i'm typing it, I fell foolish.
(...)well, it's not a flat out insult. Lemme explain. I'd say something along the lines of 'I thought we'd be a good match because we both have big heads.' This is bad..nevermind.

N
the one exception, is if it's something they have mentioned themselves, and you casually say something SMALL regarding the particular item
Example: If I say "oh god I have the biggest hair ever! AGH what a mess!" in my profile, you can say "So how to you maintain that lion's mane of yours?"
...Also I made that up. No one has ever said that to me

Randy
In my defense!...this girl's head...tis pretty large.

N
This is why we have a blog

Dating PSA of the Day: Don't insult your gal in the first message. As I told Randy during our conversation, we're not on a grade school playground.  Performing the verbal equivalent of pushing a girl down into the dirt and pulling her pigtails will only increase the odds of you not getting a response.  Why would any woman worth your time (men, I'm speaking to you) put up with being insulted upon first contact?  If I read that, I would personally think, "Wow, what a dick" and never reply.

This is why I constantly stress not trying to be too funny -- just be yourself!  And, as I mentioned, keep it small.  An offhand remark that does not directly reference a characteristic in a negative light typically comes off fine.  However, I suggest saving that trick is for the advanced learners out there.

My intention of adding reader comments to the blog is not to deter anyone from asking questions.  In fact, the opposite is true.  I welcome response and inquiry with open arms!  And please understand I recognize the difference between being cruel or brusque and actual tact.  No friends were harmed in the creation of this PSA.  I simply think you should know what you're in for.