She Volunteered as Tribute

My God do I want this lady on our Okay, Stupid team.

"Dating is the Worst, and Other Scientific Facts" by Katherine Fritz

Wow.  *Sigh*

In honor of the the collected quotes of genius proportions given at the end of the article (Seriously? "let me take you out and you can give me kisses?"  Oy vey), I give you...

This week in One-Liner FAILS!

"You're a graphic design artist?  For t-shirts? Tell me more about that, sounds interesting!"

I would, but you did not take note that my given career is in no way graphic design, nor do I do anything with t-shirts.  I did, however, explain my real job at great length in a carefully worded paragraph.

"Drinks on you?"

*Looks down* Well, not at present, no.

"Why didn't you stay in Kansas?"

Uhh... Why didn't you stay off the Internet?

 "Oh boy..."

Ok, I'm just at a loss with that one.

Help?

- N

"Boy, That Escalated Quickly. I Mean, That Really Got Out of Hand Fast"

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One Line Only

The Okay, Stupid Gods didst smile down upon me this most glorious day of our Ermehgeeerd,  October 2nd, 2012.  And it was good.

 It began with a simple and understated:

"Thunda down unda"

Stop.  Clarification necessary: What is, uh, this sentence referring to, my good man?  Do I give you the 'thunda down unda [sic]?' Or might you be suggesting I have the 'thunda down unda...?'  Do you need to seek professional treatment from a practicing physician for said 'thunda?'  In this case, might I suggest your local Planned Parenthood?  They are knowledgeable, discreet, and will shower you with oodles of contraception methods to prevent you from contracting 'Thunda' again in the future.  Ok, ok, how about this: three words. Five syllables. First syllable sounds like....

Frankly, I'm just confused.

My favorite one-liner that day goes to the gentleman who said this:

 "Soo.. Where should we go on our road trip?  I'm thinking Bora Bora :)"

Refresh my memory, please, but when did I agree to road trip with you?  Listen, pal, I hardly ever agree to road trip with close friends, let alone complete strangers.  Slow your roll, son.  More importantly, who failed you in geography?  (This travesty brought to you by the public education system of 'Merica.)  Most painful.

Thanks, WaitingforSuperman, but if I need to get to Bora Bora anytime soon, it will be by plane; not submersible James Bond car.  However, if you did perchance own said submersible James Bond car, I might take this journey under more careful consideration.  Only, you would have to let me drive.

- N