This is a story about one of the worst first dates I have ever had. It was so bad that I gave my number to another guy while still on the date. HEY. Put that judgmental face away - not only was this date THAT bad, but this guy truly deserved it.
Around this time last year I was setting up a first date with a super hot - I mean SUPER FREAKING HOT - gentleman, let's call him Vikram . Let me tell you why:
1. He was hot, his four OKCupid picture told me so
2. He was going to law school - he told me so and some facebook stalking confirmed it
3. His messages were witty, sweet and engaging.
4. He was hot. Seriously.
We decided on a Saturday night date....and then my school's football game got pushed back four hours. After debating over several different ideas, I finally told him that instead of going out for drinks and missing my game, I would love to go to a bar and watch my school's football game with him (I bleed cardinal and gold). He told me that he loved football and it was the perfect idea. We planned on meeting at the bar during halftime. I went early in order to catch the entire game, like I was only going to watch the second half, puuuhhllease.
When I got to the bar there was only one other fan of my school there (some thirty something named Dave) and of course we were immediate friends. We were so engrossed in the game that I didn't even notice that Vikram was over 30 minutes late. When I finally realized this, his dazzling good looks erased any potential annoyance I had. He bought me a drink, as every gentlemen should, and we started to chit chat about the game.
Here are the things I learned about Vikram:
1. He is male
2. He has absolutely no interest in football
3. He doesn't seem to have any opinions about anything
4. He doesn't like making eye contact
5. No personality
6. No sense of when he should give up
Getting this guy to utter single syllable sentences was like getting me to eat shellfish - impossible. He had nothing to say. Nothing to say about football - the game he claimed to love, nothing to say about the classes he was taking at law school, and when I asked him what his favorite beer was he replied "whatever's on tap."
WHAT!? That's not a thing. Your favorite beer cannot be "whatever's on tap." That's just stupid. And this was all within the first thirty minutes. Thirty minutes into this date I knew I never wanted to spend another minute with this guy.
There was still an hour left of the game.
I spent the next hour avoiding speaking with Vikram while Dave and I enjoyed the game. When the game was over (and Vikram still didn't seem to get how badly this "date" was going), Dave asked me for my number. Right in front of my mono-syllabic date. I looked right in Vikram's eyes and then into Dave's.
I had no interest in ever dating Dave. In any other circumstance...literally ANY OTHER I would not have given my number away. But this time, I felt such a power to show this doofus that he has missed out on a desirable lady. So I took Dave's phone and put my number right in there. On the way out to our cars, Vikram gave me a hug and a smile and said "We should do this again! I'll call you."
I replied with a simple "Please, don't" and walked away as fast as I could.
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